JUICY

The Beginning of the End

2010-02-16T15:36:00.000+08:00

That's right, folks.

I've been neglecting this blog for too long, I've decided to simply shut it down completely.

When I'm good and ready to document an exciting new phase of my life, I'll be back =)

Meanwhile, enjoy those tasty new year goodies!

See you in a year or two!

xoxo, char

Headaches

2010-01-18T19:44:00.000+08:00

Well, the start of 2010 hasn't been good at all.

At least I'm on the ball when it comes to work. If only the enthusiasm I have for my work is translated to what I study. Which is weird, really, considering that I was so excited and interested in it at the beginning. I guess subpar teachers and lousy schools have this effect on you.

I can't complain now - I'm almost at the close. I'm crossing my fingers that everything will go smoothly and I can get out of this rut.

My Piscean heart is yearning for things I can't control. It makes me depressed and unhappy. Sigh. The end of 2010 better be good or else.. I'll make it happen.

Better late than never

2010-01-07T21:18:00.002+08:00

A week into 2010 and I have yet to make any resolutions. Not that it's been my habit to do so, I just happen to like setting myself goals and giving myself a duration of a year to see them through.

Last year I fulfilled most, if not all, of my resolutions or wishes or goals, whatever they may be. But it also led to the detriment of other resolutions which I was also intending to keep. Suffice to say, the first resolution I make in 2010 will be to try to maintain that fine balance.

I'm not a stellar student, and I know it, in fact, one of the best ways to take a hit at my self-esteem would be to tell me that I'm a consummate academic failure. I don't know what the exact reasons are for this to be so, but I've never really felt adequately aroused in the classroom. Of course, there are occasions where I am fascinated and intrigued but sadly, none that last long enough throughout the school year (though on the same token, I am really interested in Psychology, perhaps not the way it is taught). I do like to think that I'm of rather average (or higher! haha) intellect, but that remains to be seen. I find that my dislike for authority makes me want to 1) avoid school entirely, or 2) stay under the radar. While I do enjoy being praised for having the right answer in class from time to time, I don't think that really puts me in the top percentile. However, my grades have been rather assuring, if not for a minor hiccup here and there.

Having said that, school's almost/finally going to be over in a matter of months, and I have to decide if I want to 1) get my MA or 2) work for a bit then get my MA. Also, do I really want to get my MA? I used to think I did. Then I got somewhat disillusioned with the field. But when I think about it, I know I haven't gotten a very clear picture of what it takes and what it really is like being IN the field. So I don't have a very good understanding to make an informed decision either. The only thing holding me back is that it's so tough just getting one foot in the door, especially when you're fresh and new and don't have a clue.

So my second resolution in 2010 is to figure out what it takes and what it's like working as a psychologist. AND I will keep updated with current practices and medications and news.

Money. Just five letters with a lot of trouble between them. Well, of course it depends on the way you look at it. I spent a huge chunk of it holidaying (it was the best holiday in my life, no regrets!) and shopping and enjoying my life. So I figured this year will be the year that I'd try to save and put it all in the bank. Who knows? I might do such a good job, I might end up with surplus!

So here's my third resolution: To make more money (TRADE! WORK!) and save, save, save. Also to manage my finances better. AND also remind self to stash away a good portion of money for a rainy day.

Having semi-recovered from a bad bout of flu since last Saturday, I should think this bumps HEALTH right to the top of the list of resolutions. It really sucks to be sick. Seriously, nothing better than the wealth of health! If you think having the flu and complaining about it is such a pussy thing to do, wait till you suffer from 38.9 degree temperatures and tasteless foods and blocked noses and headaches and fluctuating feelings from hot to cold and being sweaty and then shivering uncontrollably.

The only positive thing I can say about this cold is that I probably lost a few pounds. Not even a KG but I lost weight anyway!

So my MOST IMPORTANT resolution this year is to stay healthy. And with that comes along staying fit and toned, which means losing weight in the process. (I hope when I review this next January, I won't be ashamed to find I did not accomplish this at all.)

There are many other things I would like to be in 2010 and onwards but I think big changes take time to take effect and then become habit, so I'll start with these first. After all, like my Dad loves to say, "A good house can only be built upon a good, sturdy foundation."

Here's to my foundation, and to 2010 :)

OWLs

2009-11-16T00:36:00.000+08:00

This plan always starts and falls through almost as if it's doomed to stay in cyclical failure.

BUT.

With each and every try, I learn a bit more about why it fails and maybe I can finally put to good use this knowledge.

So OWL I will, and maybe I'll have my BTB (abbrieviated for secrecy) by the end of the year! Nah, realistically in about 3-5 months. Hehe.

I figure if I want something this bad, the only way I'll ever get it, is to work my ass off for it.

So, here goes everything!

shuffle

2009-11-08T21:34:00.000+08:00

in between songs on the itunes, i get up and dance around like nobody's looking - well, most likely no one is, but i can't really be sure since my curtain's are drawn and my balcony doors are open.

halfway through a story, i look over to the balcony and smile at my bunnies and guinea pig. sometimes, i wave at them and call their names. if i'm feeling a wee bit more generous, i get off my bed and entice them with the prospect of biscuits if they come to me when i call them. it never fails - unless you count the pig, who's mortally afraid of any human contact.

the story ends and i decide it's time for some exercise, so i head downstairs and turn on the telly. throwing a few switches, i bring the wii to life and then i am swordfighting my way through a couple of dozen miis who look too retarded to resist my attacks.

forty-five minutes later, my right arm is aching like i've been wrestling the circus' strong man. i turn off the tv and the wii and i walk to the dining area where i make myself a cup of ribena. it's ice cold and i'm instantly transported to blackcurrant heaven.

i decide to bathe and head for the shower, stopping by my brother's room to pinch a few honey mustard pretzels as a reward for my conquering the miis earlier. it tastes so good, i'm unable to leave the room until he notices that almost half the packet is empty, and shoves me out the door.

i shower and i'm clean and i dive back into bed and continue reading while my itunes shuffles on.

你是我爱的女孩 - 最爱的女孩

2009-10-28T08:18:00.003+08:00

Suddenly my Chinese roots seem to be taking over and all I ever listen to is Chinese songs and go to KTV and repeat songs on the ipod. Seems all this mandarin pop is getting to me and I actually found a gem of a singer by the name of 方大同！Pat told me to download some of his songs and what I did download is what I've been playing on repeat for days on end now. That explains the video and my current favourite! I love how he says "你是我爱的女孩 - 最爱的女孩" It just makes the girl feel special - and all girls need that.

In other news, I love talking to old friends whom I haven't seen or spoke to in years! It's been what, almost a decade?! And we had the most amazing conversation a person can have at 730am in the morning. Also we came to the conclusion that No One Can Resist A St Nicks Girl. I'm sure you all quite agree with me. ;)

And well, if you don't, or simply because you're not a St Nicks girl, well, you can suck my c..hocolate! And enjoy the song to go with it!

rinse, repeat

2009-10-20T23:28:00.000+08:00

the only song i've been listening to all day

why mom's are the cutest

2009-10-16T00:47:00.001+08:00

My mom's currently on holiday in Tibet and she's been sending emails back everyday detailing her trip across the mountains. A few days back she sent this

We ate a lot of mutton and saw a lot of yaks. I sat on one and had a photo taken just to prove it!!

Isn't she just the cutest? :)

happy song

2009-10-13T01:04:00.000+08:00

this song reminds of when i was sitting in guowei's car while he was driving me and dennis back to dennis' house

it's very apt because the next day i brought them to the fortune teller and he told guowei that he would find a girlfriend before the end of the year

hahaha

i hope he does!

Like it like that

2009-09-28T23:28:00.000+08:00

F1, suckas!

(Courtesy of Yiling)

too true, this

2009-09-20T19:23:00.005+08:00

for you, D.

(I hate it when the picture is compromised!)

bunny luv

2009-09-15T18:22:00.001+08:00

just when i needed a cuddle :)

Come and open up your folding chair next to me

2009-09-14T02:35:00.000+08:00

Maybe one day you'll understand,
That I want nothing from you but to sweetly hold your hand.

wide open spaces

2009-09-13T19:48:00.000+08:00

I want to go to the beach and read!

Infection: Avoid the Unhappy and Unlucky

2009-09-11T14:08:00.001+08:00

You can die from someone else’s misery – emotional states are as infectious as disease. You may feel you are helping the drowning man but you are only precipitating your own disaster. The unfortunate sometimes draw misfortune on themselves; they will also draw it on you. Associate with the happy and fortunate instead.

Very apt indeed.

horror scopes

2009-09-10T16:42:00.000+08:00

These testing aspects will create a strong desire to separate from a personal or business partner or from a situation, if you feel it has been difficult for a long time and you have lost all hope it will improve. You won't have any more patience with people who don't appreciate you, don't support you, or don't understand you.

- Susan Miller

...is a genius at astrology. This is downright creepy. How is it that it's so true?!?!

insomniac

2009-09-09T14:39:00.003+08:00

Perhaps this is why I sleep at 6 every ~~night~~ morning.

Very taken with Smokey Robinson's Being With You now after I last heard it at the Holland V kopitiam while drinking with Neo.

I really have this thing for sexy songs.

Neo, I swear that was the funnest night ever!

You're my SLF and BFF for evah!

We ought to have a Song Showdown just to see who wins.

Hahaha and guess what the grand prize will be?

That's riiiiight! Papaya and Pineapples!

another one bites the dust

2009-08-30T00:44:00.002+08:00

why is it so fucking hard to be happy?

this is it; i'm running from reality, for a while.

you're the perfect thing to say

2009-08-29T03:59:00.000+08:00

just briefly, so i remember this night, though not spectacular like some nights, i want to remember how complete and whole and happy i feel each time i'm with my girls. i'm going to keep this feeling and remember how it comes when i have my friends with me.

nothing is ever as bad as it seems. :)

the sweet soiree

2009-08-28T16:21:00.001+08:00

XOXO

(click)

the worst post ever

2009-08-21T00:57:00.004+08:00

major warning - not for the faint hearted.

tonight, i think i'm having the mother of all mood swings. i want something really bad. it's just that the "something" in question changes every other minute. i really hate the way my stupid feelings volley around like some major swing ride. i swear, i've never had it this bad. fuck, i don't even pms regularly. tonight, if you cross me, you're gonna get it real bad.

i'm going to regret ever posting this, because even as i think it, i feel doubly hypocritical. but no matter how hard i try, i can't really stop thinking of you as such and such a person and the things you do, irritate me to no end sometimes. it's beyond me why there is this strange like/hate polarity of emotion for our friendship. at best, i can see you for what you are, and i can appreciate it. at worst, well, those traits that make you what you are, are exactly what ticks me off. and sometimes, i know, for a fact, that it's not just me. i don't know what kind of bubble you live in, but you're lucky i guess. that you don't see how people might see you. though in retrospect, having said that, i guess it's rather likely that it applies to me too, and possibly the general public. however, it just feels good to be saying this out loud, however loud this may sound over the internet, that sometimes you really annoy the fuck outta me. and i know a part of me is saying this only because i'm fucking annoyed and moody right now. so for the record, i'm sorry, if you know who you are, but you probably don't because you don't even know my blog address, or that i even own one. so yes, i'm sorry i said those things. but it's true and i'm not lying.

okay, secondly, i really fucking hate people who are completely irresponsible and unresponsive. especially when you fucking just called on me for help and for "someone to talk to" i quote. i can't believe i keep getting fooled into trying to be a good friend for someone who obviously, in my opinion, can't fucking screw his brain on right. everything around you is wasting away, hello. the world is moving on, but you're spiralling into an abyss where everything will die and decay and become obsolete. i don't understand why you don't get that. another bubble, another stupid daydream. this time, i don't even feel sorry for saying this, because you know what? i've had enough. i've had enough of trying to be there for you, and be supportive and give you encouragement when you're down and out, and i'm possibly the only one on this side of the social circle that you speak to. i've fucking had it.

all i ever feel this week, is just plain bitchiness.
i'm turning into a grouch.
will the fucking period come and be over with please.

-

best cheerer upper tonight was this . pat, even when you're sleeping, you can still make me smile. i love you!

D is for Darling

2009-08-11T00:52:00.002+08:00

Thank you for a fantastic holiday, baby.
(and thanks for watching gossip girl with me!)
Just so you know ;)

The best night ever

2009-08-03T13:27:00.002+08:00

I miss Italy.

-

The Noisettes are really good.

Hideout

2009-08-01T23:20:00.003+08:00

I think I've found the place I want to escape to when I'm feeling blue. It would make no sense for me to disclose it here of course. Seeing as it's a place I've decided to hide in. But there are other ways to find out. I have a strange longing to visit it tonight and maybe that's what I'll do. In any case, it's not like I sleep before 3am these days. And the view would be amazing. I only hope it'll be nice and deserted, without the usual crowd of families gathered around.

For the millionth time, I feel there's so much to say, but this is not the place to say it.

An emo-ment

2009-07-22T02:40:00.003+08:00

Do me a favor
And tell me what you think about me
Tell me how you want this to be

Go out on a limb and just dream

Your thoughts are gonna pick me up
Do you know its good to feel too much

I breathe your visions
They pull me through the coldest of nights
They steer me towards that moment in time
When you show what it means for you to be mine

Keep the good times comin'

2009-07-22T01:37:00.001+08:00

Meet Goz and Anto, exceptionally crazy, and positively delightful.
I miss them like mad!

Baby, we've just got to go back.

She's such a teaser, she's such a star

2009-06-19T17:57:00.002+08:00

Doing all I can do, just to be close to you.
Every time that we meet, I skip a heartbeat.
Always up for a laugh, she's a pain in the ass
Every time that we meet, I skip a heartbeat.

Give me an evening, or give me a night.
I'll show you the time, of your life.
I'll walk you home safe, from the dark.
I'll give you my jacket, I'll give you my heart.
But she won't come dancing tonight,
She's having the time of her life.

Doing all I can do, just to be close to you.
Every time that we meet, I skip a heartbeat.
Always up for a laugh, she's a pain in the ass.
Every time that we meet, I skip a heartbeat.

Scouting for Girls - Heartbeat

Another melt my heart song.

How to lose friends and alienate people

2009-06-14T04:30:00.002+08:00

I think it's a very fitting title for someone like me.

I've lots to say, but no one to say it to.

The irony of making friends but losing others.

Oh, the pain.

Little pleasures

2009-06-12T16:04:00.004+08:00

That's right, the little pleasures in my life are these little munchkins!
I went to see them yestermorn, at the Botanic Gardens!
They are still so cute and icky! I love my little ones. It was such a joy having them call me "Teacher Charmaine" again! And it still surprises me that they remember me at all!
They really made my entire day!

This is another little pleasure in my life. She's back into the wild now. With her better half, Popcorn. Nacho still has a tiny lump under her chin, but she looks fine and well. I bet she is having a blast foraging under my pandan plants and devouring anything that can photosynthesize.

Shopping with Kerly @ AMK Hub.
I almost bought this dress but I couldn't for the life of me decide when I'd ever wear it out.
I was quite glad I didn't buy it though.
Because I saw on XX's blog that KK has it too!
Haha. I know it's a dumb excuse.

-

Anyway, I've been to Toho almost everyday this week.
It's been good because I actually managed to complete almost all my work there.
But I felt bad because it meant I couldn't be home to spend time with my rabbits.
Haha. But seriously, I'm gonna miss them for 3 weeks!
I better set up a roster for my family so they know when and what to feed them!

But for now, it's hello Greece and Paris and London and so much more!

My two tests in my immediate future not withstanding, it's gonna be a great time!

miss you, babe

2009-06-10T15:27:00.001+08:00

that's right, honey.

New Moon

2009-06-05T13:45:00.001+08:00

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON trailer in HD

Jake looks incredible here. I hate the way Edward looks so pained. Stupid Bella!

give me one reason

2009-06-01T02:11:00.004+08:00

Baby I got your number and I know that you got mine
But you know that I called you,
I called too many times
You can call me baby, you can call me anytime
But you got to call me

Song of the moment! I heard it on the drive back from Genting. I love how sexy it sounds.

I'm a new Tracy Chapman fan.

teenybopper

2009-05-28T17:23:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I wish when the phone rings
That it would be you saying "let's hang out"
Then you confess that there's something special
between us, why don't we find out

That's right, I'm listening to Miley Cyrus. Haha. Of all things. I find this song really catchy! Haha it makes me feel like dancing and walking fast a la Patricia Lim Scarf. Hehe.

Music is my salve.

It makes everything better.

But things have been good despite the bad. Working at TMS isn't bad at all, I get free/cheap lunches and free desserts thanks to the cute Shatec chefs! They're both so cute. Always making me laugh and giving us free food. That's something I really look forward to when going to work. Hehe. Another thing, whenever I look at the ankle socks that the kids wear, I laugh because it has the initials TMS embroidered at the sides, and it's funny because to me it reads "Touch My Socks" I don't know why. It's damn stupid but I must be too bored. Haha.

My last day tomorrow, it will be fun! No more dreary classroom lectures. Haha. My kids think I look like I'm a Sec 2 student. Which is quite sad because they are Sec 3. Haha but what's new right?

I want to find a place where I can go to when I want to be alone. Like a wide meadow or something. Where the wide expanse of grass stretches until it connects with the horizon. I'd lie there and listen to my iPod and dream about things. Haha. I've always wanted to find this meadow, but I've never found one far from civilisation. Usually I find nice wide meadows with HDB blocks by the side. It's quite annoying when you want to lie down and gaze at the sky and the bloody buildings are constricting your view.

I am really looking forward to Europe again. Stonehenge! Greece! I wish I had all the money in the world, then I could travel as much as I'd like, and pay for my friends too!

Wishful thinking though.

Ta, catnap!

Kings of Leon

2009-05-19T18:38:00.003+08:00

Put your eyes on me,
and I know a place where we can get away
Just say, I want you, exactly like I used to
Cause baby this is only bringing me down

Say hello to KoL, not Kingdom of Loathing, but Kings of Leon.
I really dig his voice! It's like Raine Maida, with a twist.

'I want you' is on endless loop while I try to complete bits and pieces of my thesis. I love writing, but I hate writing when I don't know where to start. That is my main issue. I never know where to begin, but once I do, I'm all good.

I need some help!

kay tee wee

2009-05-18T01:16:00.001+08:00

this song is damn nice!

Pain

2009-05-17T05:26:00.002+08:00

This is the way you left me
I'm not pretending
No hope no love no glory
No happy ending

This is the way that we love
Like it's forever
And live the rest of our lives
But not together

-

Sometimes the things you say really hurt. Even when I suppose it should not. I hate it. I really do.

Why is it so difficult?

Sigh.

So sessey

2009-05-12T23:12:00.003+08:00

Okay, I feel like it's time for another cathartic post. I have way too many thoughts in my head. And no, while it's not usually empty, it's not usually so noisy either. I'm either tuning into too many peripheral thoughts or I am unusually in tune with all or the majority of my feelings.

Also, it could be that I've been reading waaay too much on horoscopes for it to be healthy.

Hehe.

How do I talk about something personal without having it dissected and twisted around to fit what other people might infer from it? I suppose it's unavoidable. Since I'm choosing to put it up here. It's almost an age old debate. Still, I know some people do it as a way of getting through to someone else. But the problem with veiled words is that no one, not even the intended person, can really grasp the actual meaning beneath it. Anyway, enough hypothesizing.

I really wanted to say that I think it's funny how I've entered a completely new phase in my life. I mean I still have the same people around me, but it's funny how the dynamics have all changed. Of course, some things I would rather have remained the same. Still, as a fish (haha too much horoscopes) I go with the flow. Well, that probably isn't too accurate but what the heck. Sometimes I don't really know what I'm saying.

I just think perhaps I don't do enough to show the people I really care about, that I really do care about them! And it seriously drives me crazy because I can't bear the thought of them thinking I don't care when I know it's obvious that I do. And when I try to, it seems as if it's an orchestrated ploy.

I really hate superficial talk. I hate it. I like deep, meaningful conversation. And lately, I have none of that. The only person I can talk to now is miles away and we don't share the same waking hours. I would love to talk to you, you and you. But one of you is busy, the other is caught up in your own work, and the last one is unavailable.

Sometimes I feel starved for conversation. I turn on my mac and go onto MSN but there is not one single person I feel like talking to. So I randomly bug a few people on my list, trying to elicit some sort of conversation that might take me through the afternoon as I trudge through homework and housework. At the end of it, it's all so sugarless.

These are the empty days that I've been having. I was hoping for a lot more fun and busy-ness to get up to when I decided to go jobless. Still, I can't say I regret it. Also, I probably do have a lot of things I could and should do, just that I am not motivated enough to execute them. Which is a terrible shame and also the cause of my never-ending worries.

It would help if I could find some motivation to accomplish some of the things I want to do. Maybe I shall get down to some of it tomorrow.

Another thing, it would be nice if I could decipher your actions. Sometimes, it really confuses me. But to be honest, I know deep down what you mean, and what I want it to mean, and those two things might be very different. It's interesting nontheless, and it intrigues me, all this play on emotions. (haha too much horoscopes again!) I know I base a lot of my judgment on feeling and gut instinct and sometimes it's really hard to explain to people why I do and say and interpret things the way I do, but I do believe, despite my unblemished track record of accuracy (hahaha, i hope!), that I make mistakes sometimes. But we'll see, when it all unfolds.

I've also never realised how much I really love to travel. For the most part, though I am liable to always, always be stopped at customs or immigration for some reason or another, I always have such a good time! Europe was fantastic! I can't believe I actually am going over again. Twice (or maybe thrice) in a year! How crazy is that. Bangkok was another fantastic trip! I guess the company really matters, no matter where you go. And I've been really blessed with good travel companions, who are now my somewhat good friends.

I can't wait to travel again.

I don't know how long this post is going to be, but I do feel a lot better penning it down, even if most of it is gibberish and garbage.

I have a sudden urge to go to the beach, lie under the stars, have a beer, and just talk to someone. It's a pity you aren't here, baby.

I wish I had the guts to go alone. Haha. But I am far too hum ji for that, hehe.

Maybe tomorrow afternoon?

Ack. I wish I lived in an alternate universe sometimes. My horoscope's right, I am so dreamy. I really think I embody all the Piscean traits perfectly. So if you want to know me better, you should read my horoscope. And maybe you can tell me if I really do behave like a Pisces! Haha.

I think it's about time I go.

So, um, live long and prosper? *puts up the Spock 'V' sign with my fingers*

tweeter

2009-05-09T02:44:00.002+08:00

i found myself flipping through several twitter sites the other day and i decided to get one.

catch me if you can!

Nobody but you

2009-05-06T03:32:00.003+08:00

D showed this to me while I was in Milan. I remember liking it instantly and downloading it into my iPhone. But it wasn't until I was in Bangkok and decided to show it to the girls, that I really went crazy. And since then, there's was no turning back..

I started seeing it everywhere! In severely random places! Like, for example, when Edward, Princess and I were looking for a place to eat at the BKK airport, we were strolling around and Edward suddenly exclaimed "Char, come here!!!" only to point out to me this video playing in some ramen shop. I was sold. So we HAD to eat there. Haha.

Also because I was playing it ALL the time, wherever we went people started to sing along and dance to it. In Bangkok! So weird right?

I remember walking to 7/11 with the girls one night, blasting the video on the iPhone and we were just singing and dancing on the way. When we got to 7/11, the customers inside started singing along and bopping to the music! Haha. That was quite funny! This really shows the extent of their popularity.

I like it a lot! Thanks D! I want nobody, nobody but chew! I love you, plenty butter!

Marvin Gaye gets me in the mood

2009-04-25T17:04:00.003+08:00

I've been really tryin', baby
Tryin' to hold back these feelings for so long
And if you feel, like I feel baby
Come on, oh come on,

Let's get it on

D, if you sing this to me, I will melt like butter in a frying pan. Haha. Not very sexually appealing, I know. But since we both love to cook, I'd say it's rather apt!

I miss you D! I can't wait to be back in your apartment, with you cooking for me, while I do the laundry. I even miss those tedious train rides, especially the one back to Milan from Basel. That was my favourite. Because we were alone, in the entire cabin, and you made me lie on your lap to sleep! When I woke up, we saw the 'stairway to heaven' and we ended up visiting it the next day without quite planning to!

I can't wait to be back in Europe. I simply can't.

heart stuck in europe

2009-04-19T03:25:00.003+08:00

it's funny how Viva la Vida was the song that kept replaying in my head while i was visiting the Colosseum.

i suppose it's got to do with the lyrics

I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own
I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing:
"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"
One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt, and pillars of sand

I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
Once you go there was never, never an honest word
That was when I ruled the world

It was the wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in.
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People couldn't believe what I'd become
Revolutionaries Wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string
Oh who would ever want to be king?

it's pretty apt right?

that's what i thought too.

i have found a whole host of new songs to listen to. but i'm still hung up on these four

viva la vida
spaceman
sex on fire
use somebody

the strangest thing is, when you listen to them, they all sound so similar! it's quite cool actually.

hehe. sorry i'm being such a dork.

Happy Birthday Bestypanty!

2009-03-22T23:59:00.000+08:00

Have a good one Kerlywerls!

Good luck for your surgery clinicals!

I love you very much!

38.6 degrees

2009-03-19T02:06:00.001+08:00

hello, my brain is frying.

i hate my boss.

i hate having exams.

i want to sleep and wake up two weeks later.

the girl with the iPHONE!

2009-03-11T23:37:00.001+08:00

That's my new baby right there. In White! I love it! Time to get radical!

Not only does your body bang, but I miss our conversations too

2009-03-09T21:33:00.006+08:00

I've been obsessed with lyrics recently.

And I just took my obsession to a whole new level.
I spent my evening on picnik editing photos from the Grammys.
I even captioned them with one liners from songs that we were listening to, each caption has a special meaning to it! I wonder if anyone can guess which lyric belongs to which song. Haha.

I really like the black and white pictures.

I can't help but feel very pleased with myself.

-

Off in the night, while you live it up, I'm off to sleep
Waging wars to shape the poet and the beat

I hope it's gonna make you notice

Someone like me

Love is

2009-03-09T00:27:00.004+08:00

friendship set on fire

(Courtesy of lelove)

f.o.b

2009-03-08T22:50:00.003+08:00

I don't care what you think

As long as it's about me

(Strangely into lyrics right now. It's great how a few words strung together can totally represent your feelings.)

I melt with you

2009-03-07T22:55:00.006+08:00

I'll stop the world and melt with you
You've seen the difference and
it's getting better all the time
There's nothing you and I won't do

I'll stop the world and melt with you

Vultures

2009-03-06T02:25:00.001+08:00

How did they find me here
What do they want from me
All of these vultures hiding
Right outside my door

B is for Bun!

2009-02-27T19:33:00.003+08:00

If I were to believe in the fantastical, I honestly might think Hammy was my daemon. She's absolutely like me. I love her so much.

Tissue is getting enormous! Like Tummy. AND Muffin. I haven't been feeding them anything different, nor have I been feeding them more than usual. Maybe they just haven't been getting enough exercise. Tummy, at least. He's so fat and he just lies around all day. Haha no lah, sometimes he gets up to mess around in his toilet. I've taken to putting litter at the areas where they pee, so it doesn't stain the tiles. The buns love it. They think I'm playing with them, giving them fluff to eat and push around. So cute right? If I ever get it video, I'm putting it up here :)

I miss bringing my buns out to parks. I wonder if I should do it soon. If I only had a car, it would make it much simpler. I miss hanging out with the buns.

I better remember to start grooming the garden buns again. I think it's the time of the year where they shed fur like crazy. Tissue is shedding like mad! Ham's is the only one that doesn't shed much. But she shits a lot, it's crazy.

I love my buns.

Put on your pretty lies, you're in the city of wonder

2009-02-26T05:39:00.003+08:00

What a crazy night! I'm a bit out of it to be typing coherently but tonight was an ace affair! To think I almost gave it a raincheck. Teehee.

More pictures and updates later.

I know its vanity at it's worst, but I'm still learning how to apply those damned smoky eyes.

Okay done!

Got to rest my weary feet! Dancing in 3 inch heels is not something you want to do for 4 hours.

the doggone girl is mine

2009-02-23T00:06:00.004+08:00

Just the other night, before Colin set off for KL the next day, he took me, Mag, and Pat out for supper in the North. I say North because we were driving around Yishun, Sembawang and possibly the rest of the Red Line. Haha.

Okay, so anyway while driving around, a Micheal Jackson song started playing on the radio. I started singing along to it, like I always do to music, and Colin was like "wtf is the doggone girl is mine?" and "why would he describe a girl he likes as 'doggone'?" At the time I really didn't know if I was singing it correctly, although it really sounded like it was 'doggone' but they insisted that it couldn't be.

Well, it is! I was right! See, homie! Haha. Yeah, this post was just to confirm that I was right all along.

And also because I happened to have bought MJ's 25th Anniversary Album for Thriller today. It's pretty solid stuff. He did some collaborations with will.i.am, Fergie and Kanye West. I really like the one he did with will.i.am, which incidentally happens to be The Girl Is Mine.

I've decided who I want to come as for the MTV party. Hehe. It took me very long to decide! I'm quite afraid I won't be able to imitate her properly so I'm going to keep mum about it first.

Anyway I've been bitten by the jitterbug. I want to dance! Mag's almost just as bad. We've been squandering our sleeping hours youtubing for nights on end. She managed to convince me to go clubbing with her on Wednesday night, as a prelude to my birthday party on Friday/Saturday. Haha. I don't mind really. This is going to sound bad, but I want to drink, get high, let loose and dance like there's no tomorrow. Which is a terrible attitude since I have to work the next day. But fuck it! I'm going anyway. Sometimes you just need to live life on the edge.

Also, I've a sudden obsession with smoky eyes. I've been trying to achieve them to no avail. Still, everyone, including several makeup artists have told me to 'just keep trying' because that's the only way you'll ever get better. So don't laugh if you see me looking like I've been punched in both eyes. Hehe.

Very frazzled

Still, life is good when you have air con at work tomorrow!

Outset Island

2009-02-20T18:45:00.006+08:00

So I'm still figuring out when to quit my job.

I know, how shocking! At a time where people are being retrenched, I don't seem to be concerned with keeping my job. It's horrible. Maybe I'm just an escapist - I run when things get tough. Actually, I don't think so. The worst of the storm is over (in January when all the new babies come in together and cry together) and things have more or less settled down.

I'm also being blessed with a newly renovated classroom come Monday, with newly installed Air Conditioning! It's about time, really. I take almost 3 baths a day! One in the morning, another in the afternoon when the babies are sleeping, and one more before I go home/school from work. The weather is atrocious. It only worsens when you're stuck in a house with zero ventilation because your asshole neighbours are complaining that the kids make a lot of noise, and threatening you with lawsuits.

Still, it's not incentive enough for me to stay.

The question is this - do I quit in midyear or year end? It will be most responsible of me to carry on till year end of course. So the babies do not have to deal with adapting to a new lead teacher in the midst of their academic year (though seriously, at 3 years old it's hardly important yet). And to be honest, my reasons for quitting in June/July are plain selfish. I won't say it here, though I've mentioned it to some of my friends and they're all surprisingly supportive. Haha. So really, the choice is do I do it for myself or for the school and kids?

Honestly, I make mountains out of molehills.

On the brighter side, I'm taking 4 days leave in April to go for a 10 day holiday! Yes, you should too. There's a long weekend break because of Good Friday. I will be visiting the land of Ferraris, Bugattis and Lamborghinis. Am mighty excited! Mostly I'm looking forward to seeing my boy again. No more Lonely Hearts Club for me soon!

I've recently fallen in love with my Legend of Zelda game all over again. The Windwaker! It's really cute and it's a great game! The theme songs are all super amazing. Really, you should youtube them.

However, before I let myself play with Link again, I better finish up my boring critique on how mainland Chinese academics and students adjust to life in Singapore. Whoever thought up this topic for Cross Cultural studies is #1 on my Hitlist. Thank goodness it's only 3500 words and not 10, 000.

Bye. I'm going to commit suicide on paper.

the killers

2009-02-16T03:05:00.003+08:00

Other than playing L4D excessively, I've been throwing house parties.

Last Friday was a combination of drinks, dance and darkness.

(A bit of) The booze.The finished booze. Check out the beer bottles in the back!
We played beer pong.
And other lame drinking games with horrible punishments. Like eating gong teng. If you don't know what gong teng is, good for you! Save yourself the terror!

We played Flip The Cup. It's not the actual name I believe, but that is what we did. We had to flip the cup onto it's mouth in sequence and the team which finishes last has to drink the Cup of Doom. As you probably know, it contains a mix of beer gong teng and other unnameables.

We also played a card game which I call King's Cup because if you pick K then you have to drink the King's Cup! Which is also full of strange unmentionables. Other punishments include eating more gong teng. Like I had to do below, with MY OWN TEAMMATE Yappy cheering me on so gleefully. Tanks!

Keep your left hand on your nose at all times. Pat's stupid rule.
The other team. Haha.
Is losing!
Yay, we are the champions, my friends!
The girls. With smoky eyes. Haha.

I apologise for the poor resolution. The pictures are all taken with my old sony compact camera and therefore, are in no way as good as the DSLR's. Anyway the DSLR ran out of battery early on in the night. And we were probably more drunk than we thought = shaky hands.

I think we also played hide and seek?! Haha. It was quite mad. Cause they were hiding in all the impossible places. What a trip into childhood. Haha can you imagine 6 grown men and women (yes, I may be small and look 16 but I am not.) dashing around frantically while 1 is counting to 100 in the corner? I think we were really more drunk than we thought. Lots more pictures on Facebook, so I don't know why I bothered blogging here since only Pat reads it. Right? Haha.

Anyway, I shall conclude this entry by saying...

GET READY FOR MTV NIGHTS Y'ALL!

We are going to rock the neighbourhood!

veiled emotions, and other rantings.

2009-02-10T02:00:00.004+08:00

some things i really don't like to speak to people about are things like my innermost feelings. on some level, i've always felt open and too vulnerable to divulge my deepest thoughts. although on other occasions, with the right persons, it slips out, as naturally as breathing occurs.

-

i feel crippled, in a way. and i want to shake the feeling. i want to look forward to things, not dwell on the mundane routine my life has so predictably fallen into.

i've known, as i've known all along, that i wasn't suited for a typical 9-5. and thought perhaps that if the said job wasn't deskbound or stuffy, i wouldn't mind so much. but really, i've come to realise, that it really all boils down to the fact that i simply dislike wasting my time slogging for hours on end only to have my evenings free. what kind of life would that be? most people have told me, even if they were rich, they wouldn't be idling their time at home. they would still want to be working. what kind of idiots are you guys? with so much money, you could do anything! go for holidays, enrich yourself in classes, help the needy. there are countless things you could be doing with your time! which is precisely what i want to be doing. i don't want to be tied to work all day, all week, with barely a moment to breathe between weeks. yet, i'm bound to my job due to my moral obligations as an employee and my bonds with my kids, and my responsibility as a friend and colleague. so many strings to untie, but i want to untie them.

i comfort myself with the knowledge that i'd always known i would leave them someday, even after i'd seen them grow from babies to nearly independent children. i would miss them, dearly. and i would try to track them down, years after i've left, to see how they've blossomed, or perhaps i would keep in touch with their parents, meeting up with them once or twice a year. still, i've made my decision - that i need to go. my life is moving on, there are other things i need to do, before my time runs out.

some people call it foresight, but i don't know really. i try to manage my life as best as i can. i try to be organised, but then it becomes dull, and i mess it up on purpose so it gets exciting again.

other times i realise, i muse like this because of other things that are troubling me and i fear i might drown in them, so i throw out other issues like life bouys to keep me from sinking. such is a time like now.

i must learn not to lock myself in solitary. and remind myself that it's only temporary.

juicy boy

2009-02-01T22:43:00.002+08:00

Isn't Tissue the cutest bunny? I love his cute backside.

I am liking my new layout very much.

:)

Birthday Present #1!

2009-02-01T18:17:00.005+08:00

It's not my birthday yet, but my mom loves to be on the ball. So much so that she's a whole month ahead of the ball.

She bought me a Tag for my birthday! It turns out that it's almost identical to the Tag Dennis got for his birthday! Just when we were looking for couple watches too! My mom's a genius.

Happy!

Dennis took the photos. He placed our watches together. Haha. It looks good. I'm so pleased with my new watch!

crap

2009-01-28T15:16:00.000+08:00

i tried to change my layout but i can't seem to do anything to fix it the way i want it to be. so i'm leaving it as a mess right now before i get all pissed off and annoyed.

tank tank tank tank!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-01-19T22:35:00.003+08:00

the reason why i stay up all night.

i am seriously addicted to this game. i have never been more addicted to any computer game in my life. not even when i was playing lode runner, or theme hospital, or the sims.

left 4 dead is driving me insane.

i dream about zombies all the time. i think about how my m16 recoils in my hand. i am going crazy.

i want to play left 4 dead!

i need to get some sleep, pronto.

*ugh, you can't see the full picture. but it's okay. i'm way too beat to fix it.

happy salad days

2009-01-11T00:25:00.002+08:00

another year, another beginning

i'm not one to make resolutions and watch them go up in smoke. i think i'm fairly contented with my lot though i tend to coast through life on easy mode. it's not super, and it's not really ideal, but i guess that's the way i am. i really should be challenging myself more in order to grow - to be a better person and so on so forth. but (there is always a 'but') i kinda like where i am.

i don't know why i'm suddenly writing a reflection but in the one year that has elapsed, i think i've discovered a whole lot of things. i don't know how to articulate it, but i know that there is certainly more to life than i ever realised.

it makes me want to get out there and experience every possible experience. and thrive and thrill in the moments that i'm in at any given time. i can't keep waiting for the next time; or rein myself in because the same situation might never present itself again.

2008, with all its shocking revelations and pitfalls, was a good year. it saw me grow and learn, and 2009, i know, will be so much better, because i'm that much wiser.

-

an 8-5 job really takes its toll on you. especially when you're dealing with more than a handful of crying soon-to-be-3-year-olds. it's a blessing i get to nap with my babies when they're having their naps in the afternoon.

i have this problem. i don't quite know how to handle parents. seriously, i have zero nada zilch affinity with them. it's only amplified by the fact that since karen quit (and i'm heading the class on my own) they don't really trust me as much (as they did her). understandably, it's because when karen was around, i never bothered to mingle with them the way she did (so effortlessly). so now that we're thrown into the deep end, i can't seem to make them trust me enough to save us both. i know that's a crap analogy. still, i'm struggling to make things work, but i know i'm not doing it right and it's killing me.

it's bad enough handling their kids. it's worse handling parents.

i should quit complaining and find ways to solve this.

maybe i could try communicating more with the parents, assure them that their child is in good hands. i have to look like i know what i'm doing and saying and i can't let them know that i'm secretly quite afraid of them. haha, karen keeps telling me PARENTS ARE YOUR PARTNERS. funny how the same letters spell different words huh (with an additional 'r'). and i'll go, i know i know but i'm still scared. why though? it's probably something i have to mull over.

well, there's hope for the future. because i don't give up easily.

dennis is coming over, so toodle-loo!

Happy Birthday Hammy and Tissue!

2009-01-04T12:45:00.003+08:00

It's your 3rd birthday!
I love you both deep deeply.
And may you have many many more to come!

the road that never ends, round the bend, i see you smile

2008-12-15T22:14:00.004+08:00

love daniel powter's next plane home

tis awesome, it is, indeedy

anyway

today is a happy day
despite the numerous pills i have to take
despite the blocked ears
despite my blocked nose
despite the dizziness
despite the body ache
today is a happy day

because
when i woke up at 230pm for breakfast
i found..

my first christmas card!

i love you pee! i know you don't read my blog, but thank you thank you! i love snail mail, and you remembered that! :) merry christmas!

also because
dennis missed me so much he asked me to meet him for dinner
hehehe, we had a naughty mac meal because i am sick i still eat french fries and nuggets
we decided on our xmas present list
and we skulked around laughing at random gross people
lots of fun!

christmas is my favourite time of the year!

i suppose it's worth the 11 month wait after all!

Quotable Quotes

2008-12-08T23:25:00.002+08:00

While trying to round up the guys for a soccer game

Weijie: Hey guys wanna go kick some ball?
The rest: But no ball what!
Weijie: Everyone has 2 what!
Yougang: Then we kick yours lor!

Hahahaha. Still damn funny everytime I think about it.

Alvin was trying to round up people for our next mission while we were having dinner

Alvin: Who's up for a night mission!
Colin: Walao, I can't eat after all this food!
Yappy: You call this FOOD?!?!!

Hahaha, I bet no one (but the anergizers) understands this. But it was damn funny. Because our hired bbq chef for the night wasn't very adept with his tongs, most of our food was kind of.. sad looking and dismal. Most of us didn't eat very much because it all looked so dubious.

There was one more quote I wanted to quote, but it's evading me somehow.

This is just for keeps.

Time for bed!

It's so frosty tonight! Just the way Christmas should be! I love December!

red carpet ass

2008-11-30T13:51:00.007+08:00

I was looking around the Internet for pictures of red carpet events when I came upon this

Haha. Lucy Clarkson is funny.

Anyway, the reason why I was sourcing for red carpet pictures is because I thought it would be a cute theme for our Perfect Xmas Party 2008! Don't you think it'll be cute, girls!

I love Emma. She's so gorgeous! Anyway, I was looking for a backdrop like the one she has behind her. I think I could print out something like that - "Vogue" or "Chanel" or something - haha. And we could pretend to be celebrities for a day!

I know I threw out many suggestions like Professions We'd Never Be and Fairytale Mythical Creatures and shit like that. Haha aiyah, I'll let you girls decide ok! Pat you must quickly collect votes! Yay thanks!

I have to reiterate - I love Emma Watson. Okay she looks a bit scary in the last picture but I love the second picture. I wonder if I could ever look like that with my leather jacket. Haha, Pat quickly slap me and tell me to stop dreaming!

Oop, I realised you can't really see the last picture. You can click on it, but maybe it's better not to. Haha.

Silly Hammy got herself another sore. We're back to creams and medicines again. Whoo-pee.

lithe dancer's step

2008-11-20T22:58:00.003+08:00

i tried to change my layout but apparently, macs can't do that. how strange.
so obviously, i gave up and settled for the current one. which is the same as the previous one. haha

so stupid.

i'm so frickin tired.

i'm so glad taiwan is coming! pattilicious is delicious is coming!

she passed her driving! yay! supper time!

i need more time to sleep and relax.

the other day, gmail had a cute quote - "the sad thing about being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat"

speaking of gmail, i love the new themes! i chose candy! haha.

anyway, back to the quote, i find it very aptly describes my situation right now. so bloody tiring trying to clock 50 and work for work and study for school and on top of that, go to the gym. (eh i just realised my cool alliteration!) i am truly a rat indeedy.

oh bother.

the first song

2008-11-09T00:23:00.003+08:00

give me just a moment to sing this to you
just a little moment to see if its true
if you really love me
then baby, won't you
give me just a moment to say
i love you too

driving the roads, i see your smile
like a shaft of sunshine
stretching on for miles

giving up my heart has never been so easy
because of you, because of you, baby

so,
give me just a moment to sing this to you
just a little moment to see if its true
if you really love me
then baby, won't you
give me just a moment to say
i love you too

i love it when you put your hand in mine
i haven't felt such bliss in a long time
and when you kiss me
my knees go weak
my heart stops beating
and baby, i can't speak

so,
give me just a moment to sing this to you
just a little moment to see if its true
i know you love me
so baby, won't you
give me just a moment to say
i love you too

waxing lyrical

2008-11-05T00:18:00.003+08:00

It occurs to me that my blog is hardly ever updated, and even when it is, I'm too much of a bore to entice readers to come back for more. But since I'm no xiaxue, I honestly don't care. Sometimes I think I should shut this like what Kerly did with hers but I love writing too much to do that. And this is a perfect outlet for venting and posting random things that I can't really do elsewhere.

So I tried writing a song a few days ago. I mean, a real serious can-be-sung song. I think I try too hard, so much it sounds like poem instead of something that can be sung. Moreover, I can't compose a tune original enough to make it wholly mine. I know how some artistes use similar beats of popular songs but I think it just isn't ideal. What if I get sued for copyright infringement right? I mean, I have Neo, but still???

I would love to write my own songs and sing them with my Perfect Band. Haha, no, we're not a band. But we used to go jamming, and I miss those days! We were cramped in this tiny dirty room with our musical instruments and we'd record a few covers. We sucked tremendously but it was awesome! Haha. Blast from the past.

Anyway, I've been listening to the same few tracks over and over again on my iTunes. Speaking of which, I really want a new iPod. One that can hold at least 10gbs of songs. I have too many to pick and choose to fit into my wee 6gb mini. Plus Mr Green needs to retire. He's waaaay to old already. Then again, I would probably get the iPhone. Pity I'm not with Singtel.

Oh, I let the pigs out of the pen today. I bet they're real happy to be out in the 'wild'.

I need to find a way to spice up my daily life. It honestly shouldn't always be about working and chalking up deals to get free trips to Taiwan (or wherever the destination). Sometimes all this chasing feels meaningless to me. Some days I truly wish to be able to wake up whenever I want and do whatever I want without having to answer to someone because I'm skipping out on something. I think they term it the Monday Blues. By Wednesday, it's over and TGIF is setting in. Then the cycle repeats. Can you imagine anything more boring? This is sure to eat me alive. Sure, sometimes I'm glad for the stability and security it brings, but every once in a while you just need to let loose.

I'm a total grouch, I'm sorry.

Shall attempt to change the damn songs on the player to something less rowdy.

-

You can tell by her smile, she's such a love child
And every man in this place would love to be in her space
As the night settles down, she'd meet a lot of clever clowns
And I'll do my best to be better than the rest

She is so.. (so sweet and tender)
and I'm glad (so glad we've met girl)
She's so.. (so sweet and tender) and I'm glad (so glad were makin' love)
Oh I, oh I, love that girl

Then she walks my way and said "Boy I hope you're free"
I'm thinking how could this be, feels like a dream to me
Then she gives me this kiss, that gave my whole body a twitch
See you're just so much more than pretty, gave my heart an eclipse

-

I love the song - Love That Girl - Raphael Saadiq. (he's real awesome!)
It makes me feel like I wanna be that girl he wrote the song about. The feeling is just.. amazing.

Haha. I know.. But a girl can dream.

i'm fondue of you

2008-10-29T23:11:00.002+08:00

i need new things to do online.

lately all i ever do is play pet society. and now that i have reached the ultimate level, my interest is slowly waning. i'm back to playing various versions of tower defence. they're the ultimate! total time wasters + brainpower builders (haha okay i'm not so sure about the last part) but they're excellent games. everyone should try it. right now Dennis has got me into this. go try it!

actually, as is often the case, i should be studying or revising my work. and polishing up the paper for my dissertation that's due in i don't know when actually. drat.

bummer.

DENNIS! PAT NEO KERLY MELLOW! i need your help to study with me pleaseeeeeeeeee :)
thanks!

by the way, everyone should listen to Raphael Saadiq. he's awesome possums!

playgroup

2008-10-16T15:56:00.002+08:00

They're growing up so fast, I can't believe it.

Today, I scolded Gillian for running in class. A typical response from her would be to look repentent with her head bowed and she'd apologize. But not today, today she looked back at me with her big brown eyes and said something really funny.

Me: Gillian Wee! Why are you running in class?!
GW: Because the market is very far away.

She's so cute.

They love playing pretend, and going to the supermarket is one of their favourite activities. They will tote little shopping bags and walk around the classroom pretending to be walking to the market. Admittedly, they don't "walk" around, they run around most of the time, so they get scolded quite often during playtime. Haha. So adorable.

Joshua's getting smarter too. This morning while he was washing his hands in the toilet another teacher playfully flicked water at him. He flicked water back at her! She told him that she would tell Teacher Karen (who is his other form teacher, other than me) and he looked defiantly back at her and said "Then I tell Teacher Charmaine!"

So cute right! They're getting so clever.

I love my babies.

-

Neo is playing on my piano. She's so good at it! I love listening to her play. It makes me feel so calm and restful.

F1!

2008-09-29T21:27:00.006+08:00

Pictures only because I'm no good at captions.
Have to say it was such a treat being there. We had to wear ear plugs cause it was so loud, but I kept taking 'em off because I loved the sound! The cars sound wonderful, and it tickles your ear drums. Haha! It was splendid!

$$$

2008-09-27T00:09:00.002+08:00

I got a pay raise today!

:)

Yippee!

diet coke, i'm on my knees

2008-09-17T23:18:00.006+08:00

the thing about me is that my head rarely rules my life. i let my feelings do it for me. emotions play a big part in my daily decisions and actions. my sixth sense about things is pretty strong and my intuition guides me where i go.

i suppose, you could say, in other words, or rather, unkind ones, that i'm actually rather stupid.

it's a fine point for debate, but i'm not really in the mood, what with currently being attacked by the flu virus and possible HMFD viruses too.

i'm definitely not in the best of moods for studying.

which brings me to my point about emotions. nothing sticks in my head when i'm feelings this way (zzz and tired of studying and tired of working and tired in general of most things in my life) and i don't really want to try. but try, i do, so i sit at my desk, where the lighting is so fucked up the words seem like they're bouncing off the pages and my highlighter doesn't seem to be working and my mind is wandering far from words like "similar findings from biofeedback training" and then i complain to Dennis and he tells me to sleep and rest because he doesn't want me to die, because he loves me so much and i want very much to comply because i am just so bloody lazy.

sigh.

but no, i take my book with me to my bed where the lighting is better, and where i am safe away from my macbook, only to have my mom stroll in to talk about random things, i mean, can't she see that i'm trying to study? i'd already gone to such pains to remove myself from distractions and try to study diligently like a good girl and she just comes in and provides me with another excuse not to. brilliant.

so where does all this angst come from? boys will go, PMS lah! in this instance, i can't fault them there, because i think it's due, alright. it does explain my ultra tiredness and the fact that i've been ill for 3 days now. and most likely, it explains my ultra crabbiness and aversion to doing things i don't feel like doing.

so this leads me to thinking about all sorts of things i would love to change about my life and some of them are

the disarray of my closet
the design of my room
losing some fat

if you knew me, you would know that i am a Neatnik. Dennis teases me about it consistently when i try to pack his things, and mine. but i believe he loves me in spite of it. given that neatniks are extremely annoying, i'm rather thankful for that (thanks baby!).

i would love to be able to drop all commitments now and go on an extended holiday, but life can never be put on hold in one place while you're off jetsetting to the next, so that's a giant bummer. so the best that can be done, is to plan for one (i hate planning for trips, because why can't we all just be spontaneous! i know, i say all this now, but i do know the logic behind the reasons for which we must act.) and look forward to it till it comes.

another bummer is that even if i wanted to plan for one, i'd have no one to go with. everyone is swamped with their own commitments and our schedules clash like banging cymbals and even though we all hope to have a holiday and have great and lengthy discussions and take the trouble to source for accomodation and transport, it never comes to fruition! life is a sorry mess of disappointments if you ask me.

which brings me to my last point - which is to say that i'm sorry, if you'd actually taken the time to read through this garbage that i coughed up because i was angry and needed to rant. so thank you for caring enough about me (i hope) to bother :)

now, back to my bed i go. not to sleep, but to study.

Biche

2008-09-03T22:08:00.003+08:00

NeoPats and I went to the Expo today for the Times Members' Preview Sale!

Other than it being so faraway, I really like the Expo because it's so huge! (And it's so near Dennis' place) Being huge means that there is a lot of yummy yums shopping to be done! Cheap shopping because a lot of warehouse sales happen there!

To our delight, we found that John Little's was also having a warehouse sale right in the adjacent Hall!

I think we spent about 4 hours scaling the aisles for books and we found really cheap buys! (Actually all the books were so cheap and good!) I managed to get good Christmas presents too! So happy.

On a side note, I think I really am a such a kid. Halfway through browsing the Fiction section, I found myself drifting away toward the Children's section, where I happily stayed for godknowshowlong until I decided to look for NeoPats so we could get baskets to put our humongous selection of books in. Between the 3 of us, we bought like 30 books. The average price of a book is about 8 bucks? So cheap right!!! (Kerly, I wanted to get you the Witch of Portobello, but it was not to be found!)

Anyway, yes, the Kids section is amazing. Although they don't have quite the selection they do at the regular bookstores, it was still very very fun. I kept wanting to buy toddler stuff for my babies but I didn't wanna spend too much, besides they have a lot of resources in school still. But I found great books on dinosaurs! I love dinosaurs. If I could, I would definitely study Paleantology. It's such an amazing job. Sigh.

So yup, go to the Times Books Warehouse Sale from 4-7 Sept @ Expo, Hall 6 10am - 9pm daily! (JL Sale in Hall 5, 10am - 10pm!) It's pretty awesome. It wasn't crowded at all today, so it was fantastic, but I can't be so sure about the rest of the days!

After Times, we adjourned to John Littles and we were drunk with happiness with the sheer size of the place and the amount of food! We're really gluttony, so it's no surprise we bought quite a bit of snacks. Although I must say that between the 20 items only 1 was mine - the murukus! I love those fish things! Damn yummy yums. There were a lot of other stuff but we were kind of dying from the weight of our books, plus we were sleepy, and tired from standing around so we moved on to the food court to have dinner.

Dinner was great! I had healthy yummy yums yong tau foo. I love the sweet sauce. And Neo ate like her leftover Subway cookie. Pat had damn disgusting oily duck noodles. We quizzed each other with IQ questions. Hahaha, Neo is damn fast and clever, Pat is er.. quite blur. Haha. But they're both very smart lah. It was so fun! Minus all the parts where NeoPats couldn't stop bickering. Seriously, they bicker like a married couple. But they made up for it by being damn funny - "I married a Barbarian!" and "Bras!" and other random books we had to sift through. Damn retarded, but I had so much fun.

Seriously, we had a really good haul! Will slowly review the books after I've read them. NeoPats, we should set up a book club! Haha. But I doubt it will ever come into fruition given our hectic schedules now. That's why I'm so glad we met up today! :)

Hehe.

Current mood: Contented!

Hello baby

2008-09-02T23:14:00.001+08:00

My very own Adonis says

2008-09-01T21:02:00.004+08:00

[ Dennis ] says: (7:33:55 PM)
[you are] more than beautiful
[ Dennis ] says: (7:34:03 PM)
breathtakingly so

It's not hard to know how Bella feels when she looks at Edward, then herself, with all her human failings. He is the epitome of Perfection, while she is just.. human.

-

It never fails to amaze me that what he sees and what I see are two completely different things. It's almost as if it were two different people, one real and the other imaginary. It's hard to reconcile the two; half of me wants to believe that it's real, the other half just doesn't seem to be able to.

Still, he makes me melt all the same.

:)

"Rules and Schools are Tools for Fools

2008-08-28T17:54:00.003+08:00

I don't give two mules for rules!"

Quote unquote Constance Contraire.

She's a cute one! If you've read The Mysterious Benedict Society, you'll know who I'm referring to. NeoPats! You must read it okay! I swear you will love it.

:)

For the first time in my life, I'm going to be celebrating Teachers' Day as a teacher. Feels funny (but nice) being on the other side of the equation. My kids' parents are really sweet! Today we (the teachers) received boxes of cupcakes that spelled Happy Teachers' Day! Other babies brought gifts, which we have yet to open, and numerous cards. My favourite gift was from this boy who's family owns the Old Chang Kee chain! You guessed it right, he brought us boxfuls of curry puffs! Yums! I love their curry puffs! Happy as a hamster.

I really never expected to be given gifts on teachers' day even though I have been teaching them for close to 5 months now (and 5 months in a 2 year old's life is a big percentage if you think about it). It was such a nice surprise! :)

It sure beats Parent Teacher Meetings! Haha, I used to comment to my colleagues that I'd never been on the other end of the table during PTMs, and I dreaded going to them because I think I was quite playful. Like I wouldn't study for ting xie and mo xi and I would deliberately 'forget' to bring my spelling book and Chen Feng Ying would make me cross my arms and pull my ears until she was satisfied with their new lengths.

But being a teacher is actually really great, especially if you're teaching babies. They have such stress-free lives. Up to 6 years that is. After that, primary school might just kill them. Actually, maybe it's only stress-free at the school I'm teaching at, because we're not really worksheet-driven, unlike most preschools. We're all about Happiness. Really! It's very wholesome and holistic!

Anyway, I just baked a Lemon Meringue Pie for my colleagues to eat tomorrow because we'll be having some sort of buffet spread for lunch to celebrate, then on Sunday - Monday we're headed to Sentosa's Siloso Beach Resort for some "fun in the sun"! Hopefully it does not rain. I'm feeling a bit nervous because I think I really am quite different from them, and they've all been friends for a long time, and I'm the only new girl. But we'll see! I think we'll end up having a blast. And I'm usually quite right about these 'gut feelings'.

You can ask Pat, who now owes me plush life size giraffe stuffed toy. Right? Haha.

Anyway, I hope the pie is nice because this is my Virgin Lemon Meringue Pie. And I won't be able to try it now because it'll look half-eaten tomorrow, and that won't do. So.. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

Haha. Books are taking over my life. I am reading too much, I swear. I need to stop and study. Or read my textbooks. Sigh. Test coming up in exactly 4 weeks. Time to start mugging!

aestival

2008-08-20T22:44:00.004+08:00

Patricia Scarf Lim has won my Quiz and the Boba Tea!

The answer is - WHEN ARE YOU AND DENNIS GOING TO GET MARRIED?!

I am not kidding when I say that everyone minus the Perfects have asked me that. Why is it that everyone thinks to ask me this? Why doesn't anyone ask Dennis this? Haha, does it look like I'm in a hurry to marry him? Strange, and no, we're not getting married anytime soon. I promise I will tell everyone who's asked when we do decide to finally tie the knot! Some of you might possibly know before I do, so.. erm, keep it to yourself because I would like to be surprised ;)

Neozers, you can stop giving me the "Please Don't Hurt Me, I Am Only A Neozers" Look. It's cute, but it doesn't work on me ;)

Haha, okay lah, I'll buy you both bubble tea! How's that! With atapchees and lime jellies included. Hahaha. It sounds gross. I hate atapchees. Strange ghostly things.

Anyway, to my surprise, tuition went well today. For once, the kid actually listened to me! And because he did, we wrapped early and I still got paid for the full session!

Honestly, it is really boring. Also I sometimes struggle to explain to him things that were so obvious to me as a child that I cannot properly express myself to him. (Speaking of which, I know that sentence came out wrongly.) I simply meant that he just doesn't get it! And I can't really help him there because I never had the need to explain it to myself or someone else because everyone else understands!

I know I'm coming off rather snotty, and I'm sorry, but I feel like quitting on him. Neo, I had to channel you this evening while I gave tuition. Thinking about your perserverance with your kids made me stronger. Thanks! Haha.

Class was ultra boring today.

Dinner after with Mag was nice. Managed to chat for a good while before going home. Now I'm back and I'm tired so I'm off to bed to read and fall asleep.

Question of the Year

2008-08-19T23:12:00.004+08:00

Why is it that almost everyone I've spoken to has asked me this one question, and always has this cheeky glint in their eye?!

Can you guess what they ask?

A hundred points to whomever knows the answer, plus! I'll treat you to Bubble Tea! Hahaha. Or something in equivalent monetary terms.

Please leave your answers on my tagboard! Hahaha.

-

Anyway, Monday saw me out in the town with my girls. Did a lot of laughing and lounging around Ben and Jerry's @ Cathay. We all bought books and cds and random cool stuff. Haha. It was great! Parting was such sweet sorrow, especially because it started THUNDERING and RAINING LIKE MAD when I was just about to go home. Made for a great excuse to hail me a cab home though ;)

*As a side note, I really love reading! I know Pat loves the books I recommend her! And so does Neo now! I recommended Twilight and now she's a heeeeuuuge fan! I am so happy that I am not alone in my Twilight world like I was back in 2005 when I was like the only person to have read it. Hehe. So pleased.

**Another side note, I love my Mika album. His songs are so cheery! I wish I was with Neo during his concert (with Gaybait! Hahahaha.)! I love his third track - My Interpretation. Please go listen to it on my Jukebox!

Today, I went over to Kerly's to visit the Courtyard Monsters. So cute. Rayray is slowly morphing into a peanut. I swear! He looks just like one! Hehe.

Kerly came over to visit my Balcony Buns and she got all sleepy and everything so she went home quite quickly. I miss her and Mellow.

I spent the afternoon reading my new book and some notes for class and then falling asleep only to realise I'd locked Tissue out of my room when he snuck out earlier while I was bathing.

Poor dude was waiting outside my door the entire time I was asleep I think. Haha. So cute!

I am getting so weary-dreary and tired of the monotony of my life. But I expect I'll find something fun and juicy to do soon enough. Pat's right - I simply can't sit still for too long. Is it a bad thing?

-

I changed my song list! Yum! Mika!

happy ending

2008-08-17T00:58:00.002+08:00

Taking time off from writing my assignment to rest my eyes a little.

Mika's Happy Ending is on endless repeat. I really love it. It's so melancholic.

The killer line for me was

"We'll live the rest of our lives,
But not together"

It sounds so painful.

Sigh.

Yesterday, I bought Rock Band for Sean for his 21st birthday. He managed to finagle a PlayStation 3 out of my dad too. AND HIS FRIENDS BOUGHT HIM A PSP! Right after he bought himself another DS Lite after his ancient one huffed its last breath. That boy is building himself an entertainment hub.

His friends are so nice right? So happy for him. Haha, I apologise for the slightly maternal instincts kicking in. But I love my ickle brother Sean, although for the most part of growing up I never intended to let him know that because it was just weird. But he knows it now, and the best part is, I know he loves me too.

Now for the fun part - Rock Band is great! I bought him the PS3 Special Edition which comes with all the necessary peripherals and we spent all night playing! Dennis wore his crazy rocker leather jacket, and somehow we were all dressed in black tops and denim bottoms. Haha. Cute band. It was great! I'm mostly in it for the drums though. I can't really sing and I've had enough of the guitar on Guitar Heroes. Drumming takes a bit of getting used to. Sometimes I stare at the phrases for too long and my contacts start to flip out on me. Must wear specs next time.

Anyway, the bunnies are doing good. Tummy is steadily increasing his waistline though I really don't know how he does it because I decrease his food intake daily. Yummy still looks like a durian with her spiky hair. I refuse to call her a butch but Kerly loves to. We both agree that Tummy is horrid for not cleaning her up. The good news is that both of them smell like babies now! So nice!

Life is getting slightly duller by the days. Work, school, sleep. I seem to be fuzzing out at the edges.

I really want a car. I would like the Jeep Wrangler I saw in the classifieds, but the road tax will come in killer proportions. Sigh.

I need a good holiday.

Back to the books. Cue ZZZ

Pat is Lil Miss Brave

2008-08-08T14:23:00.002+08:00

New moniker for our dearest Patsy. She likes it. It makes her happy. So cute.

-

There is a seriously crazy amount of ants on my table.

What is going on???

I need to spring clean soon.

Scared Silly

2008-08-07T23:02:00.001+08:00

I was standing on a precipice, but I couldn’t see far. Neither could I see what was below. Perhaps it was too high, my mind still thinking logically. I was shivering, but not with fright. Rather, for the fear of the unknown. I didn’t know if I would jump, but I knew enough to know that there was a chance I would.

Something had forced me back this way. It wasn’t a long time ago when I had crumbled and was weakened to the point of insanity. It was worse before, and I took solace in that. This time my steps were firmer, perhaps the ground wasn’t as delicate. Whichever reason, I was better prepared. Still, I wanted to go back. To return to where I was after my first fall.

So delicate was the human psyche, my mind could handle the turbulence, but my emotions were frayed. My mind told me I was okay; reasoned with my feelings, but my heart wouldn’t let up without a fight.

I knew I wouldn’t die though. Even if I were to jump, it wouldn’t be enough to kill me. Break most of me maybe, but I wouldn’t have died.

I thought about the similarities between the first incident and the next. It occurred to me that the only thing I could find in common was the location. Hospitals. You forgot about the crazy emotional trauma too, my heart quipped. Yes that, too. That was probably the only reason why I was feeling this way. The same emotional trauma. The same heartache. The same scars.

It made me afraid. I couldn’t say why. My heart never told my brain. And somewhere between the layers of logical thinking, my psychologist-self explained it was due to PTSD; Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. My brain must’ve blocked out the really painful memories after I’d cried my heart out on the day it happened. After internalizing the pain, my brain wired that door shut, and I would never be able to open it again.

Well, at least not right now. My heart was a bit slower on the admin department. It couldn’t keep up with those neurons and neurotransmitters. So it was still taking its time to assimilate the pain and pick up the pieces that were mercilessly lacerating.

I looked around, now I was a bit further back from the edge of the… Edge of the what? I couldn’t even tell what I was standing on, except that now I was in some sort of cave that I vaguely remember wandering through. It was dim and slightly moist, as if I’d cried all over the place inside here. I didn’t know what to make of it – was it a good thing that I was slightly safer from jumping? Was it even worse now that I was stuck in a dark cave where my worst memories could jump out and attack?

I settled down, decidedly calmer then when I found myself at the edge. I couldn’t take much stock in my surroundings due to the poor lighting and the strange fuzziness that clouded my eyes when I looked back the way I came.

It would be quite a wait. So I nestled closer to the wall and started to think.

Cute

2008-08-03T23:40:00.001+08:00

but not Beautiful.

i try to be like grace kelly

2008-07-28T20:19:00.004+08:00

but all her looks were too sad..

Nothing blog worthy save for wishing Neo a happy 22nd, and that she's getting better since her bout of food poisoning last Saturday.

Too many things to say leaves everything unsaid. Highly ironic, but it's always the case, with me anyway.

In cheerier news, part 4 of my favourite vampire book is about to be published! August the 4th! Have got to admit that Rob Pattinson really grows on you. He's such an Edward. But secretly (which isn't going to remain secret anymore since I'm posting it here), Dennis is and always will be my very own Edward. I don't think he knows it though. He probably doesn't know who Edward is either. Haha.

Oh, something else to cheer about! For me anyway. Almost all the items on my Woe-Be-Gone list have been cleared! Like Money/Savings/School/Work issues. The only thing left is Weight. Haha. I need a paradigm shift where food is concerned. Honestly, I'm okay with the way I look on most days. I think I have a rather decent level of self esteem. But you know how it goes.. See someone who's like a perfect size 6 and you go, aw man! I want those legs/flat tummy/skinny arms! Sigh. Does not help that food and comfort go hand in hand where I'm concerned. (And for most of my close friends.)(Which seriously does not help my cause in any way either.)

Still, I've got to find a way to lose weight and be even happier with myself!

Sorry for how corny it sounds. I am capable of such retarded outbursts now and then. Hehe.

Oh yes, I have to rave about Heath Ledger. I know everyone is going to too! He was so awesome. Like impossibly awesome. So extremely crazy impossibly awesome. At times such as this I can't think of proper sentences. But he was Damn Good. Yes ma'am. Pity he won't be around for the sequel ('squeal' for you, Neo)

In bunny news, Tummy is Mr Nice Smelling Hello Please Smell Me and Put Me On Your Bed Cause It's So Soft and Comfy! Hehe. He loves my bed. He just snuggles in it like a fat cutesome. Love him to bits. Hammy's a greedy girl. She cons me into giving her more treats by nibbling on my hand in a way that you can never imagine a rabbit doing. Why do my rabbits ooze cuteness so?! So crazy lovable!

I miss Kerly. Sigh.

Oh I'm going to upload photos from my phone now. I realized I have a lot of pictures!

Anyway, I suddenly thought of Pat's clapping hand theory (in her latest post). Obviously I know who she's referring to, and I am definitely on her side, biased or not. In actuality, we're probably being biased by making those comments because we don't know what the other clapper is thinking/feeling and we can only hypothesize. I've learnt a long time ago that blaming isn't constructive in solving anything, or most things anyway. But it's certainly something to mourn about, when a friendship deteriorates.

New favourite ABBA song of the moment. Gotta love the costumes! Haha.

Pat's coming over in about 20 minutes! Going to work on that thesis for a bit!

ps: Long entry, but nothing I really intended to say was said!

happy birthday cooking mama

2008-07-12T16:00:00.002+08:00

Sean bought me a new Wii game! Hehehe.

I can't wait to try it out!

It's my Mom's birthday today. So we met up for dinner at Aji Hanabi @ Vivo last night. It was so crazy! My mom went a bit mad. Sean, as usual, is a bit mad. I have to upload the photos from my phone to show you how retarded they were being. But it was so good. All 7 of us laughing and joking around. Yums.

Food, of course, was awesome. We had the buffet. I think Dennis had like 20 million plates of Ikura and Shisamo. I had lots of tempura prawns. They're so awesome! Hehe. We ate so many things but I can't remember all of them because I don't have photographic memory for food like Pat. She's mad.

Anyway, it was a great night! Dunno why we were so tired after, we went home and crashed while my mom went out for supper, Rach and Jit went clubbing, and Sean and Sarah went drinking. So weird right! Dennis and I are like old fogeys. Shit man.

Haha. Anyway, I also met up with my favourite Popwatch Sisters for lunch at Teeps. We had Sushi Tei where I had to eat my Hanasaki Ika Tempura! I just love it! And yea, Jap food for both lunch and dinner. It was good though, catching up and having mini confrontations regarding certain people and the way we treat them. But I think we're just being honest with each other which is really good, we shouldn't be being hypocritical, expecially since we're so super close already. Love you popwatch sisters! Let's go ktv leh! (neo, you traitor!)

Have to report that Yummy is supremely destructive. She seems to take delight in biting and chewing up the newspapers I have laid out and the whole pen is a mess. Tummy seems a bit frightened of her right now; he's cowering inside the box. Haha. So cute. I love my crazy rabbits.

Shall go downstairs to check out what's for lunch! I slept so much I feel so happy!

wake me up before you go go

2008-07-10T21:44:00.004+08:00

So, it's been a while since my last post, lots of crazy things have happened, in a good way of course, and I'm, once again, up to my neck with things to do

select a song for my babies to dance to for their year end concert
design costumes for my babies to wear for their year end concert
choreograph a dance routine for my babies to perform for their year end concert

sounds like fun right! I am rather enjoying the process of selecting songs from my Retro playlist on my iTunes. It's especially delightful to watch my babies grooving along to tunes that they like. It's really adorable! I've decided that I want my boys to be like Dennis. Hehehe. That is, they're to be dressed in leather jackets (this is mandatory. But it will probably be PVC instead), they have to wear shades (preferably aviators) and have their hair slicked back! Ooh, they'll be so ultra cute! Oh, and they will be wearing black pants with a plain white tee. Very hot!

To up the sizzle factor, my baby girls will be wearing black shiny leggings (a la Olivia Newton John in Grease) and maybe a white/black halter? Or a tube? I'm actually a bit undecided about the girls' costumes, so I'll really appreciate it if anyone has any ideas! Please tag! :)

Moving along,

there are countless lesson plans I have to write
1 plan for each day
+ evaluation after each day
you do the math. there are 10 weeks in a term. 5 days in a week. meh
I am sadly, way, way, waaaaaaaay behind
I also have to source for props for our National Day + Sports Day event

Actually, I'm really enjoying myself. Everyday is different; the kids bring different things to school. Not material things like toys, but their moods, the things they say and do. I find myself eager to see them, and when I do, I can't help but fall to my knees and say, "Good morning Playgroup! Come give me huggywuggies!" and have them swarm to me in droves, clamouring for a hug and the requisite morning kiss.

Such bliss. Yum.

I am content.

In other news, I'm happy to report that Kerly (the greatest rabbit catcher (after myself)) has managed to catch Yummy and put her upstairs with Tummy! So now Tummy is no longer Lonely Boy Rabbit now that he has his Yummy Bunny. Yay! Hooray! They're sharing the pen outside my room. I think they get along really well. I hope that in time Yummy will be allowed to join the Clean Club because I'm disbanding Club Pee. Hahaha. I believe only Kerly understands what I'm saying here. Anyhow, Tummy has recently been promoted to Fattest Rabbit in the Clan. He is a whopping 2.4kg!!! With Raisin, Cookie and Tissue trailing behind at 2.3, 2.2 and 2.3, respectively.

Muffypuff is still acting all snotty. Wonder what I did to offend him. Guess I'll have to make it up to him after a trip to the Treats Store!

Anyway, Kerly is making me a ductape walley! It's green! My favourite colour! Thanks Kerlywerls!

Right, I seem to have said a lot. Haha. I really think blogging can be rather cathartic. I feel.. nice. :)

Can't wait for Club Med!

Pet Rock

2008-06-17T23:55:00.003+08:00

I'm finally done with my two killer research proposals. That really explains my lack of update here. I'm really glad I sat my ass down today, without first taking a nap, and finished editing my essays. Phew! Load off my back!

Happy because of a few reasons

Kerly's back
I see Dennis more often now
My kids say they love me
My killer papers are done
It's going to be July = Holiday in Club Med!
Neo's back tmrw!

But I'm bummed because

sometimes i really just need a break
i am not a good morning person
menstruating makes me a hungry and bitter person
lots of things to do
don't really fit in with my colleagues
work schedules clash with my own
feeling unappreciated :( (this is the worst of all, and the most unbearable, and possibly why i feel bummed at all)

Oh, I was told something juicy by a friend. Let's wait to unravel the mystery!

Ta.

delicious deluge

2008-06-10T22:31:00.002+08:00

The rain is amazing, never mind that it soaks through my shoes (although they're actually un-soak-able, because they're Crocs!) and makes squeaky noises when I walk, not to mention that I'm in a really short skirt today and flecks of dirt and debris are slowly covering my legs mimicking a mishmash mosaic, only incredibly less artistic.

I love the rain. Always have. It's so soothing. I love the dripping and splashing of water onto concrete, off rooftops, into evergrowing pools of rainwater.

I love the rain. It makes me feel so much better about cramming two reports (due next Thursday) in one night. Okay, that's stretching the truth a bit.. But I would finish both reports tonight if I didn't have to work tomorrow. And just why would I want to torture myself this way? Mostly because I've a ton of other projects on my hands that I would much rather commit my time to doing, and doing conscientiously at that.

Suffice to say, I'm in for a few sleepless nights before Next Thursday comes around.

Wish me luck!

ps: I really am loving the life I'm living right now. Sorry, but I really had to say that. The rain makes me feel good about anything.

Pat! Thanks for the quizzes!

2008-06-03T14:33:00.002+08:00

[Hello, hello, please don't read this inane post because it's laden with silly quiz results that are for Pat's eyes only. However, if you are curious about my personality then be my guest! :) Don't say I didn't warn you..]

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you meet that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

[I think the results are so similar to Pat's lor]

You are a very serious person. You tend to be quiet and well behaved, and you don't have a great deal of self-confidence. You prefer to be alone rather than with friends and that could make you a little less interesting to certain types of guys. You are very attractive in an individual kind of way, and this means it can take people a little while to get to like you.
You really care about other people's feelings and are quite serious about the issues that affect your life. You are sincere, and your concern for the well-being of others makes many people want to be your friend.
You strictly follow rules, and you expect other people to be the same as well. People can get tired of you easily, as you can make them feel a little guilty about themselves. You always make decisions on your own, and can be dismissive of other people's advice. You like to be the leader in groups, but can forget to be concerned about the people you are with.
Guys see you as being a thinker and a careful person. They will be really attracted to this quality in you, but you need to learn to speak your mind, otherwise people will find you too shy and quiet. Learn to relax and lighten up--it's okay to have fun sometimes. When you learn to develop your fun-loving side, guys are going to flock to your side.
Your boyfriend believes that you are a strong and independent person. Your confidence and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people, including your boyfriend, are thinking.

You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.

Kind and Gentle

Your kindness is your charm - you are also gentle and sweet. Everybody likes to be around people with your personality. Like a psychologist, people like to talk to you to discuss their problems because you are proper and discrete, as well as confident. You look mature and people respect you. People with this kind of character are few and far between.

You value your friendships: 55%

You love your friends very much - so much so that it's actually quite a worry. You may not be able to cope very well when you do lose somebody's friendship. You are a very sensitive and fragile person, and are therefore likely to get upset easily. You care for your friends and are willing to do anything that they ask you to do. Sometimes this can make your friends think that you are a bit of a nuisance. Nevertheless, people do really love you because your highest priority is your friends.

If you are gracious and simply say thank you when you receive a compliment, it shows that you are confident and self-assured. You respect the privacy of others, and don't like to poke your nose into anyone's business. You are sure of what your values are, and are proud of what you believe.

There was a murder in your town. Four suspects were arrested. Until now there is still no evidence to settle the case. In you opinion, who is likely to be the murderer?
please answer

A professor working in a university

A cartoon writer

A popular singer

A women who is doing a part-time job

[I chose 'carton writer' and the following is the analysis of my answer]

You had a dream when you were young. For you, having friends is important, so you have a lot of close friends who share the same dream and interest. You and your life companion have similar personalities.

[Part 1] Self Confidence: 77% -> You're confident.
[Part 2] Sensory Perceptions: 67% -> Sensitive to stimulation around you.
[Part 3] Body Language: 60% -> Quite good at utilizing on occasions.
[Part 4] Conversational Skills: 73% -> You can fit in with society.
[Part 5] Empathy For Others: 87% -> An extremely kind and warm person.

You are a typical girl, like the majority.

Typical girl? That is depressing.

Enough of quizzes!

burning love

2008-05-22T21:41:00.005+08:00

"Cause your kisses lift me higher
Like the sweet song of the choir
And you light my morning sky
With burning love"

- Elvis

I love the song! So happy they used it in The Game Plan :)

-

I've been squandering my sleeping hours reading Stephenie Meyer's new book - The Host. I'm a real sucker for her books since she wrote Twilight. She's really quite awesome. The Host is a great read. Gives you a great perspective on things. But I'm not done with it yet, so no spoilers here! It's just that she describes the leading men in such detail, not just their physical features, but the way they behave.. It's so fascinating, enchanting, and mesmerising. Or maybe it's just the way it plays out in my head. Very surreal, just like the vampires in Twilight.

Yums.

Oh, Mellow! Cookie monster did stand for his treats! But I didn't manage to take a picture of that. And Kerly won't scold me for not making Raisin stand. Haha. She knows he won't do it for me. Only she gets the privilege ;)

Thanks Grey's Fan! I'm trying to find the video, but up till now.. Zzz. I tried youtube too, but to no avail either :(

I finally met up with Pat today! Highlight of my day :) We caught Made of Honour. It was good! Patrick Dempsey is absolutely dishy. Haha. Pat thought he wasn't even cute before the show, but after that, you should've heard her! "I'm gonna rent all his movies and watch!" or "OMG Char! Patrick is so cute!" I thought she was talking about her brother, who's also called Patrick. Haha. Stupid Pat. And she kept talking during the show. Saying things like "Omg, he looks so sad Char.." and "Char... He really looks so sad lor.." and "Sigh, Char. He's so so so sad!" Luckily the theatre wasn't even a quarter filled or we might've gotten thrown out. But I think Pat's really cute. We always take the 'love seat' when we watch movies together. Haha. And today we ordered the Couple Meal, which really isn't much for two. But we had lots of junk after the show, as usual :/

Spent about an hour getting our errands done and talking about random things that she likes to update me about. She's very entertaining, this Pat. But we both got tired so we parted (oh! such sweet sorrow!) quite early, which explains why I'm here blogging!

Great day :)

Oh! I remembered that I wanted to post some pictures of my kids! Well, here goes!

This is Gillian, after her bath
(that explains the messy hair)
She's really adorable! I love her cheeks. So puffy!

Next to Gillian is Titus!
Gillian's being bratty and trying to usurp Titus' chair
Titus is really cute too.
He's really good at reproducing words when you speak to him.
Like when you scold him and say "I am angry with Titus!" He will say "Angry! Titus!"
Very cute right!
This is Joshua and Amber.
Amber's being shy.
Amber's my favourite. Haha.
Cause she really loves me.
Honest! She runs to me for hugs every 15 minutes! Haha. And when I teach, she loves to come and sit on my lap and disrupt the class.
Elinel!
The Brain.
This one is really smart. She can identify colours, some animals and she's basically the unofficial monitor for the class.
I see her growing up to be an over-achiever.
Those Hwa Chong/Raffles types. Haha.
Very intelligent and independent, this one.
Ah, this is Joshua Tay.
Weird that he has the same name as my ex-boss eh?
I thought it weird too.
He's really cunning!
But he can be very lovable.
The Birthday Cakes I made for their Birthday Board!
You can't tell but I used felt for the part of the cream!
I love it!

I shall find more pictures to load next time! Must steal from the office computer!

Oh yeah! I changed the look of my player! I like it now! So cheesy!

Off I go then! (Hehe. Warcraft!)

Hello Kerly! part 2

2008-05-20T21:24:00.005+08:00

Today, I went to visit the boys at Kerly's after work. Also did some catching up with Kermin and Korjyn.

It was sweltering, but I braved the desert and played with Cooks and Rayray and I took many many pictures because I know how much Kerly must be missing them.

They miss you too, Kerly!

The buns hiding under the ladder
Cookie is the scaredycat bun
He acts tough but he's not really

Treats time!

Cookie runs away to the pots

Just minding his own business

He starts to scratch his ears

Then he shows me his tush

Hiding again

He sits down!
Haha, so cute. Resting.
Rayray comes out to play too!
He's sniffing at the camera
Then he decides it's better to lounge in the drain
Little Raisin Train lounging in the drain!

Cute right, the boys! Love them very much!

Kerly, hope you're having fun in India! I'll send you a list of books to buy for me! Hehe. But for now, I want clothes please? :) I trust your taste!

Can't wait for you to get back! I haven't been baking at all you know..

flesh golems

2008-05-19T22:38:00.002+08:00

It's really crazy hot these days. Even at night! This really sucks. :(

The long weekend was really great! A great end to a crazy busy week! Working nonstop is really mad. Teaching then anergy, then teaching then anergy again. Super tiring. But I quite liked it. Being busy this way is really.. grueling yet rewarding. Not only because my wallet got so much thicker. Hehe.

But I just suddenly stopped feeling like a failure. Less like a quitter, or a loser, and more like someone who's going somewhere. Somewhere she wants to be.

I've also acquired a new hobby. I've been playing Warcraft like mad!!! Ever since two Fridays ago when a bunch of us hung out till really late playing Tower Defence at Downtime, I've been thinking about Warcraft nonstop! Haha. I know, I'm such a noob. But I got Sean to give me his old Frozen Throne Expansion CD and I've been playing a lot since I installed it! Yaaay!

Dennis came over yesterday afternoon and we went mad playing all the games on Frozen Throne. I admit I suck completely at almost all the different campaigns and I'm only just getting better at TD, but I really loved it. Dennis was teaching me all his tricks. Haha. And we played for like I dunno how many hours. I think we forgot to eat. But then we decided to take a break and go for a movie and dinner.

Off to Teeps we went! KFC's new fish zinger is pretty good! So juicy! I love zingers. So that was really yums. Then we went to AMK Hub for Speed Racer! ("Go Speed Racer!") It was a really fantastic movie. I love the world they live in! So colourful!!! And the cars are so cute! I just didn't get why Rex didn't wanna reveal himself to them. I thought they would've welcomed him with open arms. So sad.. But the movie was really awesome. Super awesome! The way it was shot was also really, really good. Dennis and I were raving about it to everyone and anyone who would listen. Haha.

I love watching movies. I can't wait to meet Pat this Thursday! Good luck for your last paper dear! And you too, Neo! Good luck on Wednesday!!!

I feel excited about something! But I don't know what!

Oh, I better remind myself to book my holiday to Club Med in July!

And oh! Does anyone follow Grey's Anatomy anymore? The latest episode was so annoying! The audio at the last 2 (critical) minutes of the video (on surfthechannel.com) is like completely nuked. So irritating! I can't hear what Derek is saying to Rose or what she's saying to him or what Meredith says to her therapist! So if anyone knows where I can find the video that isn't nuked at the end, please let me know! :( Thanks!

highway to hell

2008-05-15T21:52:00.003+08:00

Had a ridiculously good time on my mini-holiday. No pictures cause I don't have them yet. I wish I could go into detail but I'm obligated not to. But I'll definitely be going back for more!

Now that I'm back in Singapore and back to work, I'm back to being bored and dissatisfied with the way things are. Although my kids are cute and lovable, I don't know but don't think I could stay with them for longer than a year. I think I've got bigger things to do. But I'll just have to make do for now. I'm thankful my colleagues are really quite nice when you get to know them. (Our homepage on the office computer is McDonalds. Hahaha. On some days it's KFC. Hahaha.) We get along pretty swell, considering they've known each other for years now and some even live together. I'm actually really glad that I've had a chance to work with them. And my kids are showing some promise! At 2 years old (or less), most of them can identify colours and numbers, although everyday is Monday to them. They hear aeroplanes and scream "Hello aeroplane!!!" and wave bye to the aeroplanes as the sound dies down. Very adorable right?

I'm very fond of my kids and I'll miss them when I have to go. But I'll have to go.

Actually, it's like May only. I'll only leave when the year is over. I don't know why I'm being so dramatic. Haha. But I figure I gotta start thinking about where I wanna be next year NOW, so I can make sure I get there.

Today, I restocked on bunny supplies. It was crazy heavy carrying four huge bags of pellets and another huge bag chockful of bunny treats. I love Mininal Goods! They have really good bunny treats and the packaging is so gorgeous! So yummy! I bought them the usual green-and-orange carrot sticks, butter cookies, carrot biscuits, raspberry biscuits and something called Para biscuits. That's alot right! I think I spoil my bunnies. I hope they love me back.

Do you know! That guinea pigs can dig too! They tunneled into a hole originally dug by my bunnies (namely Muesli/Yummy). They tunneled so deep into the earth that my arm couldn't get in any further! So naughty right! Silly aardvarks!!! Today I finally managed to lure them both out with the promise of freedom (I dismantled their pen). Out they came and into the new pen they went! (With alot of stealth and pig-napping on my part) I made sure the new pen had no holes/tunnels. But I gave them fresh food and water and a swimming pool! (Yes, gpigs can swim!) And a whole bale of hay! So they shouldn't be too sad. I hope..

I want to play tennis! I think I've gotten pretty decent at it over the last 2 days. It's really fun! Maybe I really ought to look for a good instructor.

And I'm still sick! Can you believe it! At least my mucus is no longer green. It's back to being white. But I'm still sneezing and sniffling. Damn annoying.

Tomorrow is going to be a really long day. I think I shall go to bed soon. This was a very long post! Let's have some pictures!

Dead bunnies
Hammy and Tissue doing what is called a Happy Flop

Bunnies only do the Happy Flop when they feel really safe and happy.
So pleased to know that both my buns feel safe and happy with me!

Tissue lounging under my bed

His other favourite hang out

(The cage cover. Tissue likes to hop inside and sleep. Hammy uses the cage bottom. I suspect Tissue wants to feel included so he uses the other half of the cage. So cute.)

The babies living downstairs
(with a hint of guinea pig at top right hand corner)

Hoho, I love my buns so! :)

An apple a day, keeps the Doctor away!

2008-05-12T18:58:00.002+08:00

Then I really shouldn't have had so many.. Seeing as that now my doctor friends have all gone away. Waily waily waily.

Came back home from work feeling really under the weather. I mean, seriously, the sun was horrible. I've been nursing my headache since 1245 hours! And it's not gotten any better. My nose is not helping either. It fluctuates between being runny and stuffy and is on the whole giving me a very terrible experience.

I am very tired.

I hate days like this when I cannot really do anything I wanna do but yet I am glad I don't have to do some things I don't wanna do (like go to school for stats) because I am sick. It's not an enjoyable experience swinging between pain and pleasure, I can tell you that. (Although I am relieved that I'm not experiencing pain altogether.)

So Kerly, if you're reading, please please please come back soon!

And Mellow! Yes! Lunch soon please! Dinner also can! I miss you!

Will be away from Tuesday to Wednesday! Took leave from school too! Hope they children miss me. Haha. Though I doubt I will miss them. Still, anyone will agree, it's nice to be missed :)

Right, back to bed I go. Nights!

Hello Kerly!

2008-05-11T15:01:00.003+08:00

See I dedicated a whole blog post to you okay. :)

Anyway, I took pictures of your fat bottom babies (Cookie Crockpot and Raisin Shitalot) but I haven't transferred them to my mac yet. Hehe. Cookie is damn vain. And I'm going over to your place tmrw after work to make sure Kermin isn't ill-treating them! And I'll feed them lots and lots of treats okay?

Do not worry!

Hammy is still a fatty ol' grump. But she whines a lot less now. Dunno why. And Tissue is getting fatter everyday. So scary. His favourite place is under my bed. But he's very good you know, he doesn't shit or pee underneath! He goes to his toilet in the drain :) So good right! He has finally matured!

Hey, the bunbies' birthdays are coming, you must remember to buy 8 presents k! Not just 2 ah!

Anyway, I'm like suffering from a horrible flu and cold and cough and sore throat now. Just when my personal doctor decided to leave for India! Quick save me Kerly! :(

Oh yah, you know your mom sneakily took the car back and I thought it got stolen!!! So scary!!! But luckily I checked with Korjyn. Haha. Stupid lor.

Hammy's still very lazy. When I put her on the grass, she just lies down and sleeps. Lazy! But none of the other buns dare to approach her. Hahaha. I guess she still holds the Power over All Rabbits. Happy Mother's Day Hammylou!

Okay lah, no pictures very boring right. I shall transfer the pics over. Check back in a bit k!

I miss you!

hit me with your best shot

2008-04-26T21:00:00.003+08:00

fire away!

Okay, the craze for GH3 is back again. Yay! I've been playing Cliffs of Dover on Medium for the past 15 minutes. I think I'm getting pretty good at it. Haha. It's my favourite track on the game. Actually, I like a lot of the songs. So nice!

I curled my hair today. I gave it a body perm. (I almost typed 'bloody perm') And I am now a true blue market-going-house-cleaning-slipper-wearing auntie. Minus the living in a HDB part. Sigh. So depressing. I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING AUNTIE! Okay, no offence intended to aunties. But seriously, I am only 22! As the feegles in the Discworld go, 'Waily waily waily!'

:(

I am a very distressed girl.

So Kerly and Kermin cheered me up by taking me out to buy things. I bought new studs for my tragus earring, and miscellaneous items like hair cream, cotton buds, tealights and food bowls for the rabbits. Haha. Very sated and cheered up! Thank you dears!

Was also very happy cos they're very funny. Kerly really says the darndest things and she always makes me laugh. And this Kermin is.. well.. very 'diao'. Haha. But I love them!

And as usual, when I go online to check my email. I do my favourite thing - I delete all the Spam in my gmail! Haha. Okay, I know it sounds horribly retarded but it's really one of my favourite actions! Hahaha. Fuck, now I'm not only an auntie but a horribly retarded one at that.

Oh dear, I do hope my kids don't start crying when they see me on Monday.

Mr Wintersmith

2008-04-25T22:57:00.003+08:00

Indulging in Terry Pratchett lately. Such good reads! I always laugh to myself. Haha. But who doesn't, when reading TP books? They're so crazy hilarious.

Anyway, finally met up with Pat yesterday. I love meeting her. I always feel so happy. She really turns my grey skies blue and then into multi-colour hues. Hehe. She 'treated' me to free sushi at Ichiban! (which has my favourite lobster sushi thing) because her ex-colleague gave her a card that could redeem all these free goodies. Damn good deal! We ate so much, I quote

"we shared crispy lobster sushi, spicy tuna sushi, teriyaki chicken bento, tori karage, softshell crab tempura, california handroll, miso soup and my must-eat octopus sushi. a lot right! we almost died."

Haha, damn yums! And she thinks I lost weight, and I thought she did too. Haha, I wish I did! I think I've been steadily maintaining my weight at um.. I think I rather not say. Haha. But as long as it doesn't cross 52 I'm happy.

We also watched the silly Paris Hilton show. We had damn low expectations so it turned out alright. Her best friend in the show was quite pretty at the end. But omg, in the beginning I kept wanting to retch because she was SO DISGUSTING!!! All that sushi! It would've been such a waste.

Anyhows, she came over and we studied with Kerly for a bit. Baked some cookies. Talked a lot. I love talking to Pat. She's so nice to talk to. Taught her how to play some boardgames and made her feel really stressed about borrowing them because they were my birthday presents. Haha. Not a piece missing okay! Haha. I'm kidding lah. Then sent her home and we talked some more. (Told ya I love talking to Pat)

That about sums up my day, minus teaching in school where my baby Gillian was sick and didn't come to school again. I miss her. I'll see if I can post some pictures of my kids! They're too cute to be true! Honest!

Kerly's going away to India for 6 weeks. It sounds like forever :( I'm so bummed. I'll miss her a lot :( Booo. But I'll go over to visit Cookie Crockpot and Raisin Shitalot often. To make sure they're still alive and fat. Hehe. And I'll take them to Botanic Gardens on their birthday! See! Even Tummy, Yummy and Muffin don't get to go together with them k!

Tissue's been sleeping under my bed all day. So lazy. But so cute. I love him!

And crazy Hammy's being a nasty little bunny. So angsty all the time. And just when Darren, Jiayang and Kerly spent so much time building a walker for her. So bad right? Tsk. She's so lazy. :( So depressing.

Anyway, I'm hungry. Going to pop some Vit C pills! Yum! I love the children's orange flavoured ones from Mustafa. Hehe.

Study time!

Untitled

2008-04-23T14:45:00.002+08:00

I brought the pigs to school today because the kids were learning about Pets.

I think the pigs were so terrified with so many baby hands petting them.

It was such a laugh! So cute! Both the kids and the piggies. Haha.

I love my kids. They are so clever and adorable.

It's really a joy to go to work everyday just to see them and hug them and kiss them.

I need to devise more interactive ways to teach them.

I don't really know why I leave a space between each sentence. Kind of makes me feel neat and tidy. Haha.

Oh, I am really quite wasted. Off to nap, I go!

emoetry

2008-04-14T19:10:00.002+08:00

I just knew today was going to be a shitty day.

Not that everything today was shitty, but one particular event in my day turned all my blue skies grey.

Why is it that when things (seem like they) hit rock bottom and all you want is some attention and care, there really doesn't seem to be anyone there? Especially not the people whom you expect to be around?

Oftentimes, I tell myself it's only because you don't tell them you need them. But is it always the case?

You knew I was upset, but you went off anyway.

I find that when you're unhappy, it helps to sit under the shower. Not so much that it masks your tears, but that it really helps me think.

Water is therapeutic.

Well, at least for me.

like like a bandit bandit

2008-04-13T16:33:00.002+08:00

I am dead bored at home. But I kind of like it this way.

I want to go to Funan to buy games for the Wii. Those girly ones that Sean would absolutely loathe to buy for me. Haha. Now that my Guitar Hero craze has worn off slightly (possibly due to my inability to progress to Medium), I'm looking for new games! And also because Rock Band for the Wii isn't out in Singapore yet.

I'm done reading most of my books. The ones I'm looking forward to getting aren't released yet. My movie buddy aka PatLimSzeChing is busy studying for exams and she has no time for me. Meh.

I want to curl my hair but Aunty Honey seems to be busy.

Ever since we got the much-lauded KitchenAid, we've been making lots of cakes. It's been a never-ending supply right here at home. Methinks I should try making something fancy. Like those really pretty meringues. (I love meringues!) Or cute pastry puff things. Well, we'll see.

It's been raining on and off all day. Hammy's just lounging in her crib and Tissue's been napping under my bed. The dirty buns downstairs are probably napping too. I think it's time for another bunny excursion to the Botanic Gardens! Sometime this week probably. Now, which bun should I bring this time?

Two more weeks, and I get to keep Dennis! Yay!

Okay, I'm done blogging gibberish. Toodz.

Happy Song

2008-04-02T12:44:00.001+08:00

Luo Zhi Xiang is damn cute! Super silly MV but it's so happy, I like!